Aligned Leadership

by Derrick Kunsman

There’s a phrase I’ve heard all my life: More is caught than taught.

It’s a cliché for a reason.

Not just because it’s true, but because it’s humbling. Terrifying, even. Especially when you look around and realize the very things you don’t want your kids or team to catch – your stress, your distracted stare, your buried-in-email posture – are the very things they seem to notice most.

I’ve been a dad for exactly 12 years and one month. That’s it. I’m not writing this as someone with a how-to list on raising kids or being a perfectly present leader. I’m writing this from the frontlines: where the laundry piles up, the inbox never quite empties, and the to-do list seems to whisper “you’re behind” no matter how early I wake up.

But here’s what I’ve noticed lately, and maybe you can relate:
I’m getting better at being physically present.
I’m also really bad at being mentally present.

At home, I catch myself drifting during moments with my family. Thinking about the yard project, the thing that needs fixing, or checking the score of a game I’m not even watching. At work, it’s sitting in my office, pushing through a never-ending task list, feeling like I’m making progress, but missing moments.

Moments like a co-worker popping in to say hi. Or, my son asking me, again, to help him make something, or throw a ball his way.

I’ve been trying a few things lately. Little things.

At home, it’s coffee dates and driveway basketball with my daughters. It’s letting my son get us both a little messy while we build something uneven but totally awesome. It’s screen-free time, even if my fingers twitch toward the phone every three minutes.

At work, I try blocking time on my calendar to simply walk. No agenda. No clipboard. Just walk and talk and see people. The goal is simple: connect. The results? Sometimes small. Sometimes exactly what was needed.

And, all of this reminds me of two men in my life who modeled this for me.

My dad is the guy who quietly shows up to help fix the broken thing: tools in hand, a proud grin on his face, maybe some homemade smoked meat in the cooler. He’s steady, dependable, rarely says much; but, he shows up. He builds trust not with big speeches, but with time.

Then there’s my Grandpa Dennis. I can’t remember him ever missing a sporting event. I can’t remember him saying, “I’m too busy.” What I do remember is his presence. His time. His deep belief that what matters most is being there.

They never said, “More is caught than taught.” They just lived it. And, I caught it.

And now, the hard question:
What are my kids catching?

And, maybe even harder:
What are those I work with catching?

Are they catching someone who’s always trying to get to the next thing?
Or someone who pauses, listens, sees them?

The best leaders I know are servant leaders. And, the most important leadership role I have… is being a dad. The two are deeply connected. Leadership isn’t about my title or my task list, it’s about my presence. And, few things shape a life more than someone who shows up consistently and cares deeply.

Because whether it’s your kid at a sporting event or your coworker tackling a hard day, there’s something magical that happens when someone who matters to you shows up.

So this Father’s Day, I’m not offering advice.
I’m just offering a mirror.
For me. Maybe for you, too.

A reminder that while I’m far from perfect, I’m trying.
Trying to be a little more present. A little more grounded.
A little more aligned.

Because in the end, no one remembers how many emails you sent.
But they do remember how you made them feel when you walked in the room.

Happy Father’s Day,
Derrick

—
Aligned Leadership | Lead With Purpose. Live With Alignment.